9/2/07
Subject: My compassion is a mockery

Dear  ____,
I guess I have something else to share with you.  I just finished reading a book called "Rachel's Tears" about a girl named Rachel Scott who was killed in the Columbine school shootings in 1999.  As I was reading the book I was nearly brought to tears upon reading of the kindness she showed others during her final years.  I was thinking to myself, "I don't know anyone who would do that."  She had compassion for the outcasts and emotionally wounded that she came across. She would befriend the people who were overlooked by everyone else.  She even showed God's Love to someone who later killed her for being a Christian.

In the book, her family talks about carrying on these "acts of kindness" she did for others in order to create a "chain reaction of kindness throughout the world."  I felt kind of unsettled when reading all of this - like something needed to be done.  Something was amiss.  I wasn't sure what.

One way that Rachel spent time with God was to write letters to Him in her journals.  Reading these journal entries in the book I found my heart humbled and enthralled by the beauty of her relationship with her best Friend.  It was a very honest and childlike relationship.  Very pure.  Completely unbridled and unrestrained.  She had two goals: To make an impact and to abide in God's Presence at all times.

She was very passionate for her Savior and wrote that it was worth it to follow Him and carry His Light within her, whatever it might cost.  She decided to really "walk the talk" about a year before she died and she wrote of her sadness over friends that left her because of this choice - she didn't even have to say anything to them for them to know that something was different about her and for them to decide to walk away from her.  She wrote that she knew that being a Christian she would have enemies, but that what she hadn't known was that her friends would be those enemies.  I felt myself drawn to God's Heart as I was reading her writings about her experiences of pain and Joy and her deep fellowship of Him by going through what He went through and still loving with His Love.  I felt more than I could understand.

Now I know what was bothering me.
If we do kind deeds and pass them around we won't accomplish God's Perfect Will or show His True Heart toward others. We can do good deeds when we want to and be kind to those we choose, but we won't become good or kind people in doing such things.  We will still be wretched, ugly, sin-filled creatures beneath the do-gooder facade.  I suddenly realized what a mockery this was of the message God presents to us with Rachel's life and writings.

The purpose of her life and death was not to spread kindness in order to make the world a nicer place.  Neither was that the purpose of Jesus' life on earth and death at the Cross.  The purpose is to draw people to God's Heart.  Jesus showed more kindness and compassion than anyone.  If we try to imitate Him by doing things that are kind or that we think He would do, who we are within still mocks Him.  We need Transformation and the Resurrection.  If we don't go to the Cross and put to death all that is flesh and sin, our attempts to be a Christian and to do good in His Name will fall so short and will only crucify His message with religion.

Rachel knew that it was inadequate to do all she could to attempt to be a Christian.  Her kindness did not come from her human heart.  She surrendered everything to God and asked to be filled with Him and His Love overflowed in her life because He was free and welcome to abide within her.  His kindness flowed through her and touched others.  She was not able to pick and choose who to treat as she comprehended Jesus would treat people.  She simply brought His Heart to the people and He directed her as fully as she submitted to Him.

I ask You, God, to do whatever it takes to cause me to surrender to You to the magnitude that You want to fill me with Yourself so that all people experience is You when they encounter me.  I ask You God for the capacity to bring Your Heart to the people unhindered by my own judgments or limitations of compassion or human love.  I ask You God to transform me fully in Your Image and to bring forth Your Resurrection fully within me so that I never reject or deny You by not accepting a part of You that I don't understand and so that I never crucify Your message by attempting to imitate what is Holy and Righteous.  I ask You God to cause Your Light to shine through me so that people will see You when they see me and will love me as they love You and will hate me as they hate You so that I will be marked as Yours and will know Your Heart to the depths of pain and loneliness and sadness and joy and contentment and Love and compassion that You long to be known by Your Bride.  I ask You God to do whatever it takes so that I am proven faithful and follow You everywhere You bid me no matter the cost.  I ask You God to remake me so that I praise You as You are truly worthy to be praised through all that You honor me with and through all that is suffered or enjoyed.  I ask You God that I will lay down my life for the children for Your sake as You laid down Your Life for me so that all they know is You Love through me without any false substitute of my own giving.  I ask You God for Your Joy through all circumstances, because I am so weak and so vulnerable and so horrible when I try to rejoice in Your Will on my own when it seems hardest to and most important to.  I ask You God to accomplish this, all of this, in [names edited], as well as in me so that they can join me in leading the children to Your Throne.  I ask You God to make us all willing to abide in You at all times.  I ask You God that I will rest in You as You accomplish all of this and bring forth Your Kingdom on this earth and as You Rule and Reign over us.  I pray this in Jesus Name.
Amen.

The Accomplice